Studies show that on average we lie to each other anywhere from 10 to 200 times a day. Obviously not all of those lies are destructive fallacies. Some of those lies are what are commonly known as white lies, the little, innocent lies we tell to save face. Like the old, “I’m so sorry! Somehow your email went to my spam folder,” or the “Ya know, I’m just now seeing your text message.”
If only our lies were confined to text messages and spam folders. But, they’re not, are they? Interestingly enough, for as many different ways that we lie, the reason why we lie is often the same. Pamela Meyer, who is a certified fraud examiner says, “Most of our lies are an attempt to bridge the gap between our reality and what we fantasize about.” We use lies to bridge the gap between who we wish we were and who we really are. We lie to bridge the gap between the marriage that we want and the marriage that we have. We lie to bridge the gap between what we did and what we wish we would’ve done.
The unfortunate thing is, while our lies are an attempt to bridge the gap between our reality and what we really want, we actually accomplish the exact opposite, because the nature of dishonesty is not to build bridges and create connections, but to produce distance and division.
Here's how another certified fraud examiner put it, "A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends." Proverbs 16:28
In other words, dishonesty produces distance. Lies create discord. Deceit develops into detachment. When we hide or hold back what’s on our minds or in our hearts the result is separation. Separation from our spouses. Separation from a health and wellness goal we want to hit. Separation from a more mature relationship with God. Honesty isn’t the best policy because it sounds nice. It’s the best policy because it makes connection possible.
When you’re honest with your spouse, they’re able to connect with who you really are. When you’re honest with yourself, you’re able to connect to the first step in moving forward-- starting where you are.When you’re honest with God, you’re able to connect to the authentic relationship He gave his life for you to experience.
Honesty creates connection. Dishonesty produces separation. The necessary questions we all need to ask ourselves then are, “Am I separating myself from something or someone I want to be close to?” and “What do I need to be honest about in order to bridge the gap?”